Am I Happy With My Nappy?

Of course I'm happy with my natural hair...why wouldn't I be. So today, I log on to Facebook to see a comment from a friend on one of my pictures that says "My support goes out to you Sam. But are you happy with that?? I'm just saying!! You're beautiful regardless" My response to him was...Kevin, what do you mean am I happy with "that" of course I am. If I weren't I wouldn't be wearing it. I wasn't forced. It was a decision I decided to make and I wish I had made it sooner."

Now I knew that I was going to get different reactions from people, but I'm the type of person that really doesn't care what anyone thinks about me or the things I do one way or the other. I kind of pride myself on making my own decisions regardless if I have regrets or not in the end. But to ask me am I happy with "that". I will admit, I was a little offended. It was like, did he just call my hair “that”????? What exactly is “that”??? Maybe I read too much into the comment…….no I didn’t, it said exactly what I thought it meant.

Believe me cutting my hair and deciding to go natural was a decision that took years. I would start the process and then chicken out. This went on for quite some time. Until I decide that instead of getting a relaxer every six weeks, I would wait ten weeks. Ten weeks turned into 12 weeks and soon 12 weeks turned into six months. Before I knew it, I decided that I was just tired of getting my hair relaxed all together. And that's when I started to transition. I transitioned for about 10 months and just got tired of wearing weaves and braids and cut my hair on April 2, 2011. Now anyone that knows me, knows how obsessed I am when it comes to my hair. So cutting it off was a big accomplishment for me. Don't get me wrong...I'm still obsessed with it, but I have a greater respect for it now. Before, I didn't mind someone else doing my hair, now I know there is no one that can take care of it the way I can. She and I have a bond that cannot and will not be broken. LOL

Having natural hair is a bonding experience. Not with just your hair, but you learn a lot about yourself in the process. Getting rid of what society see's as beautiful and taking a risk at being, for lack of a better word "different” takes a lot of courage and self esteem. Don’t get me wrong, I love weaves and straight hair, I just don’t see it as being the right fit for me anymore.

I had another friend tell me that I was cute to be natural. Huh? So because I no longer have my own straight hair or a long weave you thought I wasn't going to be cute anymore? I couldn't even get mad. Because I 'm sure that is what a lot of people think. And then someone else told me that he likes long straight hair. Hahahahaha….well, I don’t have that…It will get longer, but it won’t be straight. The best compliment from a man came from my baby…He told me that I should have done it sooner. Not that I need his approval, but it is nice to know that he is definitely feeling my hair.

Being natural for me is not a fad, but in the search to find myself…I found that being 100% free of what society deems acceptable and doing the opposite…IS SO ME!! Yall know I’m a rebel. :-)

Simply Written

Validation....Who Needs It?

I know some of you may be saying that you don't need to be validated because (insert your reason here). But what does getting validation from the ones we love really mean? Have you ever tried to explain to someone how you feel or tell them exactly what you need from them, only to not be able to vocalize exactly what you mean? I can definitely say that I've been there.

The definition of Validate according to the dictionary is to make valid; substantiate; confirm

When validation comes from the person you love, you want them to show you how happy they are to see you, randomly tell you that they love you, a slight kiss on the forehead while you're watching TV together or even a text message to let you know you were being thought of. 

How can someone tell you that they enjoy spending time with you or love seeing you, but when they do see you, their face and demeanor aren't reflecting it? We go off emotions...yes, to tell someone is one thing, but actions do what? Yes, they do...they speak louder than words.

At the end of the day, it isn't about the time you spend together or saying I love you at the end of each phone call. It's all about how your eyes light up when you see each other, a smile, wink, kiss or hug. And yes, it goes both ways.

Communication is number one in a relationship, but validation is second runner up!

This is something I feel I have to work on as well. When you are dating someone, you emotionally feed off of each other. What one person isn't giving, eventually the other person will stop giving...it all becomes a domino effect...and eventually leads to more problems you probably would be better off without.

Sooooooo....your task for today you ask. Validate the one you love..STAMP IT!

Simply Validated....

It's Monday!!!

Well I can't say that I woke up this morning considering I've been up since 6pm  yesterday. However, I got out of my bed this morning and I just had that feeling that I'm going to live in the good moments of my life. I was watching Oprah last night and she stated that if you have $5 in your wallet and you are constantly focusing on the $15 you wish you had you will always be wishing. Instead focus on the $5 you currently have and work with that. Be grateful for what you have instead of hoping for something you don't have as of yet. It will only keep you down. And who wants to be down...not I!

I'm grateful I have today and when tomorrow comes, I'll be grateful to have tomorrow. I'm excited about the possibilities and the faith that I have and God is definitely working in my life. I'm a sinner and he LOVES me! I'm not perfect...I say the wrong things, I'm emotional, catch attitudes...and sometimes just don't feel like being bothered for not apparent reason. He understands me...how great is that. I get excited just thinking about how much He loves and I am absolutely in love with Him!

THE VISION IS CLEAR!

Gratefully and simply written....

*Blank Stare*

So after my phone conversation tonight, I felt the strong need to blog.This will be short and sweet..it may make sense and it may not...who knows!

Tonight I learned that you cannot make someone admit to something to make you feel better or to ease your mind about a situation. I believe that the only one that can heal your worry, doubt and anxiety is the Lord. Pray about it.

I don't like to be in the business of convincing anyone to believe anything that I say. If you come to me and ask me about a situation and I explain that it wasn't me and then you come back to me again basically asking me to admit it for your benefit or just to even want to talk about it. You probably won't get the same reaction from me that you got the first time. Because by then, I'm over it. I've lost interest in it and I'll basically let you talk about whatever it is you want to talk about and I won't say a word...if you do get something out of me...it's probably going to come off rude or insensitive. But when I'm over something...I'm completely over it.

I find it sad that ONE person can turn someone's life completely upside down. I find it even more sad that, that one person can make someone walk away from their family and their friends. That's when it's time to think about that persons value in your life...are they really worth it?

At this point...I'm not even sure what to think about it. What kind of worries me is that I don't care. Yikes! But really I don't. When I've emotionally moved on...I've moved on. Please don't think this about my dating life, because it isn't. This is about my family life...sad..yes...I know. *hanging head in shame*

It's easier to point the finger than it is to look in the mirror.

Be EASY!

Not thinking so complicated

Samica

Spiritual/Self Commitment

I felt like I needed to write something today, but wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to write.

This is one of my favorite songs...ENJOY!

I have been thinking lately about life and how things are just so unexpected. I have been asking myself if I'm really doing everything that God wants me to do and weather or not I'm following the right path. There are things that I have heard God's voice on that have yet to fully develop. I know that He is teaching me patience, because lord knows I don't have any. Just so happens over the last couple of days God has been telling me to let things happen as they are when it's right, I'll know. Don't worry, don't over think it and don't jump ahead.

I have vowed to put all of my focus on the Lord, myself and my goals. It's time to do what I feel like I need to do to get to where I need to be. How can I be committed to anything or anyone, when I can't stay committed to myself. Hey...I'm just being real.

Right now, I'm finding out what works for me....

I ask that each of you reading this prays for me as I start this journey towards spiritual/self commitment...

My Vow...

Lord, I commit myself to you. I know that I cannot get to the inner soul of myself without a stronger relationship with You. I promise to be persistent in my reading, praying, fasting and keeping the Sabbath. I ask that You not make this easy for me, but stay by my side as I maneuver through the temptation and doubt that I know will come. In Your name I ask all of these things. Amen!

Stay Blessed!

Random Thoughts...

When I first said I wanted to start writing in my blog again...I figured I could write a blog at least once a day. Well of course that did not happen. So once a day turned into once a week...and now it's just..I write when I get a free minute to write. What a shame. This blog, I don't really have anything profound to say..although...I do have some random thoughts. Some may be deep and the rest may be senseless (hey...I'm being honest). Anywho...ENJOY!!

I have noticed that men are really stubborn. So what happens when you try to put two stubborn men together to get something done...it doesn't get done. One person has to swallow their pride and be the bigger person. And I'm sure each of them has their reason to think that the other should come to them first. But if you don't really talk about it...how will it ever get solved???

I have learned that time is not on my side...well crap, it's not on any one's side. So why do people think they have all the time in the world? It seems like as soon as I turned 30, everything about everything about me (yes, I meant to say it like that) changed. Some for the better and some..well...you know. I say do everything you want to do NOW. Even if you aren't sure...start it...finish if you can, if you can't oh well, at least you tried. Hmmmm maybe that wasn't the greatest advice, but you know what I'm saying. Put your all into it, but it's never to late to figure out what you want for your life...and after you've kind of figured it out...go for it!

I saw a oil truck this morning and it said..."Got Oil" and there was a picture of a lady with a oil mustache. *puzzled look* I mean I get where they were going with that...but seriously...I would like to have seen a sign that said "need gas?" and it has a girl pumping gas that costs $2.00/gal and then they gave directions to that gas station. I'm just saying...

My friend Dford said he doesn't like teenagers...and then I thought...dag I don't either. Hmph!

I don't get excited about too much of anything...not sure why that is...I need to look into that.

I believe everyone has a bit of crazy in them. I don't care who you are and what you've never done. Let the wrong person say something to you or do something to someone you care about...the crazy is going to definitely come out.

Have you ever said something to someone like..."Ugh...I can't stand when people wear Jeri curls, that's pretty disgusting, they would never ride in my car or lay their head on my pillows." and then they say something like..."My Mom has one".....*BLANK STARE*

I was in the grocery store on Sunday looking at the lean cuisines...and this old lady walks right in front of me and stops. So I say..."look at this rude fool" (hangs head in shame...yes I really said that). Well she heard me and was like...oh I'm sorry...but could you reach up there and get me that, and then she kind of stares at me....me.."sure" *Blank Stare*

Well I'm off to the Bahamas this weekend and I'm going to try to to the mini submarine, Para Sail and swim with the dolphins. Blog and pics to follow...HA HA!!!

Simply Written

Have You Seen My Happy???

Lately, I have been feeling like I'm in a bad place mentally that I'm unable to get out of. I am a thinker; which for me can be an advantage as well as a disadvantage. Lately, it has been a disadvantage.

I know that everything is not meant to be over analyzed...I get that. But are we to believe everything that we hear or everything that someone tells us?

You know...when I see that there is a problem...I like to talk about it. I need to get it out and find out what needs to be fixed and how can it be fixed. I may not always take the best approach when going into the discussion...but I'm human. All of my imperfections I claim...I can apologize for them and move on. I can take an apology from someone else and move on. I thank God for giving me a forgiving heart and humbling tongue to apologize when I need to.

Right now I feel like I'm being tested. And I will be honest...right now...at this very moment...I'm not passing.

What I have noticed...is that around this time every year, I start feeling a certain kind of way. And I cry every time I think about it.

I have gotten to a place that I feel like everything I do or say is taken wrong.There is this feeling that I have to constantly keep proving myself and the words that I speak are always challenged or questioned. I feel like I'm waiting for the end of something...and I'm not necessarily talking about a relationship of any kind, I'm talking about this worrying spirit that seems to lurking around me right now.

I refuse to feel depressed, angry, confused or anything that is not of God. I'm alive, I'm loved not only by my family and friends but by God and that is more than enough.

Not only do I feel like I'm waiting for the conclusion...I'm waiting for my happy and I will praise God all the way to it and through it.

A complicated blog...simply written...

I Still Have His Number...Why?

I posted something on my facebook page a few weeks back and it said:

"Do you ever forget why you stopped talking to someone...and then they show up again and you talk to them again. Then you realize the reason you stopped communication in the first place. I need to start remembering instead of being reminded"

But shortly before I posted that status; not sure if it was last month (I'm not that great with time), but I was going through my phone and saw all of these numbers of people (men) I do not converse with on a regular basis. And by regular, I mean I have not spoken to them in almost a year...maybe longer. So as I'm going through my contacts I start deleting them. There were a few that I came to and thought...well maybe I'll keep the number just in case. Just in case what? There is obviously a reason I don’t communicate with that person anymore. If they call me then okay, but I know I will not be reaching out to them. So why would I need to keep their number in my phone or……..keep them added on my Facebook page.
There have been many…many times I have asked God to remove someone from my life because I was not strong enough to walk away. And when he shows me what the real deal is and gives me the strength to walk away…what do I do. I walk away, but keep their number or still have some way of getting in touch with them. And honestly, at some point when I’m over it. It’s not even about keeping in touch anymore. It’s because I’m NOSEY!!!! Yeah I’m nosey. Anyone that knows me knows, I ask questions and don’t apologize for it. LOL

Wait a minute, before you judge me. I know that I am not the only person that has done this. I mean it’s natural to want to see how someone’s life is going to play out. Especially when their posting status messages and pictures all over Facebook, right? I think we get to a point in our lives where we don’t necessarily want to be with that person and at some point it’s not even about trying to keep in touch with each other. We just want to see who they are dating, where they work and sometimes we secretly hope they stay single forever or never find a good job. Hey I’m being honest. I’m a Christian, but I’m human. LOL.
So I do a lot of thinking when I’m driving and when I’m in the shower. Don’t ask. So anyway…as I was driving home I was trying to figure out why is it so wrong to keep in touch with past “friends”. I mean does it really matter? So I was listing to the song “Before I Die” by Kirk Franklin and this part came on:

Love my enemies, forgive the past
and set 'em free so I can free
free up the things
every blessing God has for me
see it's for me, not just for you
I had to learn from what I've been through
I can't go through that way again
be hurt by you that way again
It's not the end

Now, I’m not calling these people my enemies, but you get where I’m going right? Hmmmmmmm…..that goes RIGHT back to my Facebook post….remember it in the beginning? Here I’ll say it again.

"Do you ever forget why you stopped talking to someone...and then they show up again and you talk to them again. Then you realize the reason you stopped communication in the first place. I need to start remembering instead of being reminded"

That was my “Ah Ha” moment. How can I move to the next level in my life and receive all the blessings God has for me when I still have pieces of the past floating around. SMH….SMH.

If you are in a place in your life and you’re happy and you know that is where you are supposed to be. Even if you aren’t there yet, you know God is preparing you for something awesome. Let go of those things or people that take you back to that place God pulled you out of. Like my Pastor said last Sabbath. God stirs your faith, the devil tries to break it.

Simply Written…