Lately, I have been feeling like I'm in a bad place mentally that I'm unable to get out of. I am a thinker; which for me can be an advantage as well as a disadvantage. Lately, it has been a disadvantage.
I know that everything is not meant to be over analyzed...I get that. But are we to believe everything that we hear or everything that someone tells us?
You know...when I see that there is a problem...I like to talk about it. I need to get it out and find out what needs to be fixed and how can it be fixed. I may not always take the best approach when going into the discussion...but I'm human. All of my imperfections I claim...I can apologize for them and move on. I can take an apology from someone else and move on. I thank God for giving me a forgiving heart and humbling tongue to apologize when I need to.
Right now I feel like I'm being tested. And I will be honest...right now...at this very moment...I'm not passing.
What I have noticed...is that around this time every year, I start feeling a certain kind of way. And I cry every time I think about it.
I have gotten to a place that I feel like everything I do or say is taken wrong.There is this feeling that I have to constantly keep proving myself and the words that I speak are always challenged or questioned. I feel like I'm waiting for the end of something...and I'm not necessarily talking about a relationship of any kind, I'm talking about this worrying spirit that seems to lurking around me right now.
I refuse to feel depressed, angry, confused or anything that is not of God. I'm alive, I'm loved not only by my family and friends but by God and that is more than enough.
Not only do I feel like I'm waiting for the conclusion...I'm waiting for my happy and I will praise God all the way to it and through it.
A complicated blog...simply written...
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